Letter from Germany

12/03/2016

When a German tells to a Greek the history of Augias and Heracles, it means of course carrying coals to Newcastle (as the English say) or carrying owls to Athens (as a well-known German proverb says). Therefore only a short summary for all unsuspecting people in Brussels and Berlin:

Heracles who earned divine honours and was received into the Olymp, is said to have slain his wife Megara and his three children in a fit of madness. When the fit was over and when he realized how terrible his deed was, he consulted the oracle of Delphi to give him advice. The Pythia answered that he would be forgiven if he served Eurytheus for twelve years and performed all the duties that were demanded of him. One of these duties was the mucking out of the sheds where Augias, king of Elis on the Peloponnes, kept his cattle. Heracles fulfilled his duty by directing the rivers Alpheios and Peneios through the sheds. Later he invented the Olympic Games.

So far the official historiography as one can read it in ‘Wikipedia’.

Large parts of the story of Augias and his pigsty , however, were quite different, as the study of classical antiquity has found out. Neither has Heracles slain his wife and children, nor has he consulted an oracle, as it is maintained by quite antiquated researchers in Brussels. On the contrary, he has used his common sense.

And that is the real course of the story: After Augias had neglected his sty for various decades with the help of subsidies from the EU purse and after the stench had spread all over the country and had poisened the adjacent rivers, Heracles had set out to muck out the sty – actively supported by many, many Greeks, men and women, many European friends and Greenpeace. To achieve this, he had not only to fight against Augias, but even more so against the Grey Ladies and Gentlemen from Brussels and Berlin who had watched the activities of Augias for many decades – since one could sell him every junk as helpful for his own benefit. Especially the charioteer from Berlin, Mr Schaufle, assisted by angel Angela, was up to no good. But also Mijnheer Geisselblum and Lady La Garde (not to be mistaken for Lady Gaga) did their best. Geisselblum, by the way, is said to take over a well-doted job on the river Styx that is used by Greek shipowners (more recently assisted by Chinese traders or triads). La Garde, on the other hand, is traded for the post of Pythia. If the worst comes to the worst, Mr Drogi will help out. He has just build a new home of his own in Frankfurt (designed by Coop Himmelblau) and is said to take over the post of Minotaurus who died recently under tragic circumstances.